Saturn is a Stage Whore

THANK U 2 EVERYONE who came 2 the CD release show last night! U guys made it an absolutely unforgettable night for both me and Tim Kaye. The place was JAM PACKED, we had a turn out of almost 200 people, and we couldn't have asked for a more enthusiastic, energetic or supportive crowd.

Last night I realized again why it is I'm pursuing this career. Sure, I LOVE music, that's a given. Music is my life, always has been my life, I've always written and I'm pretty sure I always will. But that in itself wouldn't be enough 4 me 2 go through the toil of pursuing this independently. Last night on stage, I felt home. I mean I really felt home. I loved every second of it. Even though there were major sound issues (I couldn't hear myself half the time, the band couldn't hear me so some of the songs seemed kinda icky 2 us on stage) the crowd loved it and I loved them. I have to say having a band makes a whole helluva lot of difference. I don't think I can ever go back to not performing with one now. The energy was just ... overwhelming.

I'm fucking stoked. This being the first rung of a very long and twisting ladder, I really feel like there's nowhere to go but up! So, 2 everyone who came and saw what a whore I am 4 the stage, keep coming back cuz I'll keep givin' it up!

Gettin' high in 2005!

THE BIG NIGHT

So, after months of planning and promoting, the big night is finally here. My CD release show happens tonight at the Royal. I'm surprisingly calm right now. I really felt I've done all I can do at this point so there's nothing for me to fret about. Sure, the band could have used a couple more rehearsals, it won't be perfect, but it will be fine. I think it's going to be a great night tonight and I'm looking forward to it. The only thing that has me bummed out is ... once again ... the "boy". After sharing a remarkably intimate evening together (and I'm NOT talking about sex) I felt like we had finally started on a road towards something special. Instead, 2 weeks later, I've only spoken with him a total of five minutes, he hasn't returned my calls, he won't be there tonight and hasn't even called to wish me well. Why the 180 degree change is quite beyond me. It hurts, but I'm not going to let the little fucker ruin one of the biggest nights of my life. This night will definitely be in the top 5 so far because it's a fucking milestone. And someone who supposedly cares about me can't make the effort to pick up the phone and say good luck or I'm thinking of U.

Well, c'est la vie. Last time we were together he asked me 2 write a song about him. Well, I know now it's damn sure not gonna be a love song.

Onwards and upwards. 2005 will be the year of the DEVIANT!

"I finally got 3 words 2 sing ... I'm coming out!"

Snow Days

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been a week since I blogged. Last week I was so busy running around trying to promote my show and mail off press kits and talk to people and do all these million little things, it just doesn't seem like all that time went by. Then of course, we get our little mini blizzard over the weekend and I feel like I'm in school again. U know, when u were in school and u would pray for a snow day so u could just sit at home in your nightclothes and watch tv all day? Well, that's what I did this weekend. 19 episodes of Alias. That's a lot of TV. But damn it was fun. It was nice 2 relax for a change. I hadn't done that in a while. But now it's Monday and the stress really starts. Funny thing is I'm not really stressing over performing, I'll be fine at that. I'm stressing over money. I'm not trying to break the bank here, but I could possibly lose my ass if the people who've said they're coming don't show up. (I need 167 people to come just to break even! YIKES!)I've promoted this like no other show I've ever promoted before and I'm sure it will be great, but why am I putting myself through all this if at the end of the day I walk away with yet another huge loss? Well, I'm not going to be pessimistic yet, I can't afford to be. I promised people a great show and that's just what they're gonna get! Well, back to work. I have a lot of things I need 2 accomplish tonight ... labels, book design, phone calls, research and I STILL can't figure out how to update my f*cking website! URRGH!... no one has a clue the work that goes into being a self run indie artist!

"She works hard 4 the money, so hard 4 it, honey!"

WTF - Puritanical Psychosis

Ok, so it's WTF day. 4 any of U who actually follow my posts, U know that WTF day usually has a bit of a humorous bent 2 it ... all puns intended. Today, alas, the news item that made me shout "What the F*ck?!?!" isn't funny at all. In fact, it's quite disturbing, sad and truly tragic. Apparently, in Alabama a twelve year old girl named Jasmine confided to her mother that she was no longer a virgin. In response, the irate mother poured bleach down her daughter's throat and after she vomited it up, she sat on her daughter's chest until she couldn't breathe and died. Jasmine's brother, Jacorey, 9, was made to stand in a corner and watch the entire episode. Archie (the mother)"told him that if he shed a tear that she was going to kill him, too," Cotton testified.

U can read the full story here care of Birmingham news. It makes me wonder why God would even let people like this procreate? (I know I know ... he does things that we can't understand, in his infinite wisdom it's best to just accept and not question, all stuff I learned growing up in a Pentecostal household, along with I'm damned to hell for being gay, but off I go on a tangent again. The point is I do have questions for God, lots of them.) There are so many beautiful people with warm hearts who can't have kids or tragically lose their children, yet there are pyschotics like this running rampant killing babies, abusing their children, or whatever else they do to royally fuck a kids life up. I mean, is this woman really insane? My question is is there even such a thing as insanity or is it just a word we made up to excuse people's inane behavior? I dunno. These are just the scattered ramblings of my mind at the moment.

At the end of it all, I can only say ... WTF?!

Gingerbread Bakers Man

Gingerbread Bakers Man ... yep, that would be me. So, I'm rehearsing with the band last night for the big show in 2 weeks and I unleash this new song that I want 2 do, something I just wrote the other night. The looks on their faces was priceless. It was somewhere along the lines of ... "what the hell is this shit?" "he doesn't really want me to play this, does he?" "is he some kind of circus freak?" They then proceeded to make fun of the song, which led me to believe they liked it, LOL. Honestly, it is a bit odd, it does sound a bit, as my self professed straight jew guitar playing pal Seth said, like "something you would hear coming from a Merry Go - Round". LOL. But U know, one thing I never want 2 be is predictable. I have no idea how this song will go over with the crowd, but I think it's a fun song, it's meant to be a fun, silly song and I think it'll work.

One of the things I'm loving about rehearsing with a band, besides the fact that they make my songs feel new to me again and give them different dimensions, is that U really never know what you're gonna get. 4 instance, I thought we could make "Art" into this really cool jazzed out number that was slinky and sweet, and had we more time to rehearse we could do that, but we don't. What it turned out to be was this really hard hitting rock improv number that I would have never dreamed of turning it into, but that ABSOLUTELY WORKS! Halfway through, I just start feeling it and it's obvious they're feeling it. It was very cool. I think the next time I meet with them, we are just going to go even further with it and rock that shit to death.

And the song "Atlantis"? Wow. That's all I'm gonna say. This is gonna be one helluva night. I can't wait!

Here's a bit of a teaser from that merry go - round song (and hence the title of this post):

... 4 a gingerbread bakers man a pretty boy confection is
made up of dirty hands and peachy thighs and full of cream.
Hello, my name is Alice. Let's go 2 Wonderland!
Beware of tricky tarts and wicked queens with stacked hands...

Scissorhood

Yes, yes, yes I have been officially inducted into "Scissorhood". I saw the Scissor Sisters last night at the 9:30 club in DC ... great fucking show. Jake Shears is HOT! Nothing like a slinky sexy rock n roll front man! Especially when he's queer like me, hee hee. And that lead guitarist with the bright red lipstick? OMG, so much style, so much sass, so filthy gorgeous it was just SICK! But seriously, even though my stomach was roaring in pain (must have been that crappy KFC) I had a great time. I had someone there to share the experience with me. He held me in his arms the entire night, unabashed and unashamed. There's nothing like being held when there's a love song playing, it's like he's only singing for the two of you. Sweet. Thank U, babe, 4 making last night a brilliant memory. AND 4 the shirt. U know who U R. :-)

"One day we'll go 'round the world, I'll make the journey so sublime ..."

Baltimore Gay Life

The guys at Baltimore Gay Life Paper are so friggin' awesome. Not only did they include a great review of "Deviant" in their last issue, but they gave me a giant full page interview in their current issue! It's my first spread (mind out of the gutters, kiddies) in a full blown paper. Very cool. Check it out here!

Toodles!

WTF - Holy Balls, Batman!

Well, since I missed WTF Day last Tuesday, I'm offering up a double dose today. Did you know that apparently you can sell your testicles (if you have them) on the black market for quite a hefty price?

Police in Denton, Texas, arrested two teenagers in October and charged them with robbing two visitors who were passing through town from Montana; the victims said they were on their way to Baton Rouge, La., because they needed money and had read on the Internet that a medical school would pay $100,000 for testicles.

Makes me think of Bob Barker signing off the Price is Right: "Don't forget to have your pets spayed or neutered!" Holy hell, what some people will do! All I can say is ... OUCH!

And for part two, I posted an entry back in October called Piggy Spunk (you can check it out in the October Archives). Well, oddly enough, I just completely randomly happened to come across this and it serves as a follow up to that story:

Britain's Office of Communications, which rules on viewers' complaints about TV programs, decided in November that the on-air, manual collecting of hog semen on the "reality" show "The Farm" did not violate standards in that, in the office's opinion, the pig did not feel "degrad(ed)" by the experience.

This is just wrong. Pigs have feelings, too! I think I'm going to start a new organization called P.A.M.P. - People Against the Masturbation of Pigs. Maybe I can get some government grant money if I set it up as a non-profit.

I know, I know ... you're probably saying to yourself ...

What the F@#k?!

I'm Back!!

Where have I been? Well, in a sense, nowhere, but I've just been soooo busy, I've neglected my little blog. And to all my readers out there, all 2 of U, I apologize. But some fantastic things have been happening. I had a wonderful time in New York (as usual). My buddy and singer/songwriter extraordinaire, Roger Kuhn, helped me out on a song, as well as the multi-talented pro Robert Urban, I got the crowd to sing along, and though I didn't sell any cds, I felt that the show was a success. At first I was bummed about not selling any CDs, but then I remember that the majority of the people there were musicians, and then it all made sense, LOL. Plus, I felt really good cuz some people from MySpace showed up. What a great networking community that is!

So, it's a New Year and I have so much to be thankful 4 and sooo many things I want 2 accomplish this year. As usual, I don't know where my fledgling music career will take me, but I do have a clear definition of where i want 2 go, and it's straight 2 the top, baby! U wanna come along 4 the ride?

"Not knowing where I'm going, this galaxy's better not having a place 2 go. Now I know."